Why Fear of Success Prevails Over Fear of Failure
In my work as a coach, I get some amazing clients who say to me: I’ve done the therapy to address my past, I’ve been able to achieve some big goals, now why am I feeling overwhelmed by my success?
As we pursue our ambitions, we can encounter obstacles that challenge our progress. While the fear of failure is a well-recognized barrier to success, an equally significant but often overlooked fear is the fear of success itself. Surprisingly, this fear can be more prevalent and impactful, inhibiting individuals from tapping futher into their potential. Delving into this paradoxical phenomenon, we uncover the underlying reasons why fear of success can be ore influential than fear of failure. Let’s dive in.
The Paradox Explored
Psychologists and researchers have long studied the intricacies of human motivation and behavior, shedding light on the complexities of fear and its role in shaping our actions. While fear of failure is commonly attributed to concerns about inadequacy, rejection, or disappointment, fear of success operates on a different psychological plane. The fear of success encompasses a lot-fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of higher expectations (can I maintain a new height?), even fear of outshining others (I may leave my safety net/friends behind) and more.
1. Fear of the Unknown
Success often propels individuals into uncharted territory, requiring them to navigate unfamiliar circumstances and responsibilities. This uncertainty can evoke anxiety and self-doubt, prompting individuals to retreat to the comfort of familiar routines rather than embrace the challenges that accompany success. Psychologist Ellen Hendriksen, author of "How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety," notes that fear of success can stem from a fear of losing control over one's life, as success introduces new variables and demands adaptation.
2. Fear of Heightened Expectations
With success comes heightened expectations – from oneself and from others. With the clients I work with, it is typically from their own design whether they are fully aware of it or not. The pressure to maintain or surpass previous achievements can be daunting, leading individuals to question their ability to meet these lofty standards. Dr. Harriet Braiker, a clinical psychologist, explains that fear of success often arises from a fear of not being able to live up to the expectations set by one's own success, resulting in feelings of impostor syndrome and the constant need to prove oneself.
3. Fear of Change
Success disrupts the status quo, necessitating adjustments in lifestyle, relationships, and self-perception. This fear of change can manifest as a subconscious resistance to success, as individuals grapple with the prospect of leaving behind familiar roles and identities. Dr. Susan Biali Haas, a wellness expert and life coach, emphasizes that fear of success is rooted in a reluctance to embrace the transformations that accompany achievement, whether it be increased visibility, responsibility, or scrutiny.
4. Nervous System Regulation and Fight, Flight, Freeze Response
The fear of success can trigger the body's innate stress response, known as the fight or flight response, which evolved to protect us from perceived threats. When faced with the prospect of success, particularly in situations where visibility and vulnerability are heightened, the sympathetic nervous system becomes activated, releasing stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol. This physiological reaction primes the body for action, preparing individuals to either confront, hesitate, or flee from perceived dangers.
However, prolonged activation of the fight or flight response can have detrimental effects on both physical and mental well-being. Chronic stress resulting from the fear of success can lead to exhaustion, burnout, and heightened anxiety, undermining individuals' ability to perform at their best.
Another question that may arise is: “how much of my energy will this take?” For the leaders I guide, they wear multiple hats and want to preserve their energy to give the best quality of time to their families, friends, and their work.
Learning to regulate the nervous system's response to stress can help individuals manage the physiological, emotional and mental manifestations of fear and cultivate resilience and restoration in the face of success. Mindfulness techniques, rest, relaxation exercises, creating a supportive community, gaining guidance of a coach or mentor, movement, taking lots of space, built-in breaks, and various therapeutic interventions (psychotherapy, acupuncture, massage, etc.) can cohesively contribute to regulation and restoration.
5. Fear of Being Visible, Vulnerable, and Unsafe
Success often entails increased visibility and exposure to scrutiny, which can evoke feelings of vulnerability and apprehension. The fear of being seen, judged, or criticized for one's achievements can hinder individuals from fully embracing opportunities for growth and recognition. Psychologist Brené Brown, in her groundbreaking research on vulnerability and shame, highlights how fear of vulnerability can sabotage relationships, creativity, and authenticity, ultimately depriving individuals of meaningful connections and experiences.
Moreover, the fear of success may be intertwined with a subconscious desire to maintain a sense of safety and security within familiar confines. Stepping into the spotlight or venturing beyond one's comfort zone can evoke feelings of unease and destabilization, prompting individuals to sabotage their own success in order to preserve the status quo. Recognizing that true growth often requires stepping outside of one's comfort zone and embracing vulnerability as a catalyst for personal and professional development is essential for overcoming the fear of success and realizing one's dreams and vision.
Additionally, in the realm of celebrity, where success often comes hand in hand with heightened visibility, safety becomes a paramount concern. Figures like Britney Spears and Jennifer Garner have dealt with the consequences of fame, shedding light on the importance of prioritizing safety amidst public scrutiny. Britney Spears' highly-publicized struggles with media intrusion and the conservatorship battle have underscored the vulnerabilities faced by celebrities in the spotlight, prompting a reassessment of privacy rights and mental health advocacy. Similarly, Jennifer Garner has been an outspoken advocate for protective measures to safeguard celebrities and their families from paparazzi intrusion, advocating for legislation to restrict invasive photography of public figures' children. Their experiences highlight the need for systemic changes to ensure the safety and well-being of celebrities in an industry often full of scrutiny and intrusion. Seeing these challenges may cause others to keep themselves more hidden out of protection.
6. The Upper Limit Problem
In his book "The Big Leap," Gay Hendricks introduces the concept of the "upper limit problem," which refers to the self-imposed barriers individuals encounter when they approach the threshold of their personal success and happiness. (I highly recommend this book!) According to Hendricks, as individuals experience moments of achievement and fulfillment, they may unconsciously sabotage their progress due to ingrained beliefs about their worthiness and deservingness. This phenomenon is particularly pronounced when individuals confront the unfamiliar territory of sustained success.
The fear of reaching one's upper limit can manifest in various ways, such as procrastination, self-sabotage, or the imposition of artificial limitations on one's aspirations. Psychologically, individuals may harbor deep-seated fears of outshining others, alienating loved ones, or facing the responsibility that accompanies success. These fears can manifest as subtle forms of self-sabotage, preventing individuals from fully embracing their potential and basking in the rewards of their achievements.
Addressing the upper limit problem requires a willingness to confront and challenge limiting beliefs that undermine one's sense of worthiness and potential. Through introspection and self-reflection, individuals can identify the patterns of thought and behavior that perpetuate the cycle of self-sabotage. By cultivating self-awareness and practicing self-compassion, individuals can reframe their mindset to embrace abundance, success, and fulfillment without fear of reaching their upper limit.
Overcoming the Fear
Acknowledging and addressing the fear of success is essential for individuals striving to realize their aspirations. By recognizing and addressing the underlying beliefs and behaviors that perpetuate the upper limit problem, individuals can free themselves from the constraints of self-sabotage and tap into their full potential for success and fulfillment. Through introspection, support, and a commitment to growth, individuals can transcend their upper limits and embrace a life of abundance, joy, and purpose.
Furthermore, seeking support from mentors, coaches, or therapists can provide valuable guidance and accountability on the journey toward transcending self-imposed limitations. By reframing success as an opportunity for growth, contribution, and self-actualization, individuals can transcend the fear of reaching their upper limit and embark on a path of continuous expansion and evolution.
As I’ve worked with clients dealing with these fears and upper limits over the years, I created the Brain Soul Methodology to resolve these barriers. I guide clients to realize their vision and remove barriers simplified into 4 steps: Clarity, Alignment, Mindset, Beliefs + Regulation, and Strategic Action.
By fostering self-awareness, practicing self-compassion, and cultivating a growth mindset, individuals can navigate the challenges of success with resilience and authenticity, paving the way for fulfillment and achievement in their endeavors.
As we navigate the complexities of our ambitions, let us not be deterred by the fear of success, but rather embrace it as a catalyst for personal and professional fulfillment.
To learn more about ways to work with Angela to overcome fear of success and remove the mental upper limits you face, so you can elevate your potential, expand your impact and enjoy your life, review the service offerings here or apply here to get started.
Sources:
Hendriksen, E. (2018). How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety. St. Martin's Griffin.
Braiker, H. B. (1986). The Type E Woman: How to Overcome the Stress of Being Everything to Everybody. Bantam.
Biali Haas, S. (2018). "Why You're Afraid of Success." Psychology Today. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/prescriptions-life/201807/why-youre-afraid-success
Hendricks, G. (2009). The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level. HarperOne.
Brown, B. (2015). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Avery.
